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Volcano about to explode

Posted by DreamSharer on January 29, 2015

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Sometimes I feel like I don’t know anything but I try to give myself hope or else I would crumble.  This period I am going through is very difficult for me. I am so angry, enraged and full of rage. Everything that happens to me now, however small, just feeds that anger more. I only see red around me. Every fiber and cell inside me is full of anger and about to burst. I have been feeling like a volcano for a long time and today I feel that anything else that happens will get that volcano to explode and all that lava to burn everything around me including me. I am on the verge
of explosion. I only want to sleep everything off because I don’t want to break. I am trying to keep that volcano from  exploding and yet I feel like I can’t. I am choking on my own anger and my chest feels so tight and I can’t stand anything or anyone. At this specific moment I just want to disappear into nothing.

ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER…that’s all that is filling me and filling my head.

I am seeing red because I feel hurt and betrayed in many ways and things keep coming up. I don’t get even one day to relax before a new thing comes up. I am just so tired.  Emotionally, mentally, physically…I am so tired.  This pent up anger is killing me. I can’t even breathe. I feel so horrible. My chest hurts, my throat hurts, I feel like something is stuck in my throat and choking me.

I do believe that the actions of people make me feel those things. When the actions don’t match the words, we get confused and we don’t know what is true anymore. Do we believe the words, or the actions? We can’t believe both because they contradict one another, so what do we believe? Do we believe how the actions make us feel?

I know right now I am hurting so much and hurting because of a lot.  I feel so many scars and hurt. I have fainted in the past because my inability to get my anger out in a healthy way manifested into a physical and emotional breakdown and now I want to try and find a way to get my anger and hurt out but in a healthy manner and I still don’t know how…But I am trying to figure it all out.

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