DreamSharer Boulevard

A Media Shrine and a Garden
of Art, Creativity & Inspiration.

A part of me bleeds at the thought of him being so far away

Published by under DreamSharer Journal on February 23, 2013

Where is the line where friendship ends and love begins? I have heard that there’s a line drawn to separate the two but how can we know when we’re actually going beyond the borders of friendship?

Is it possible to hold yourself back when you suddenly realize that you’re starting to get near the limits of something else?

Let me ask you, if you found yourself caught in between love and friendship, would you rather cross the line or would you pull yourself back to where you started?

My whole life I thought it was easy to answer right/wrong questions until one day confusion struck me as I found myself being confronted by these mind-spinning questions.

That was 2 years ago when I met one of my best friends who is now the love of my life. When I first met him, I never thought he would ever become a big part of me and my life.

After our initial contact, we spent most of our evenings together exchanging messages on IM’s and as days, then weeks then months passed, I found myself looking forward to talking to him, to being engaged in conversations with him as soon as I got home from work and later from school. It was just so amazing how we got along so well and so easily. It’s as if we had known each other forever. For two strangers to establish such special kind of connection in an instant is magical and definitely is a sign.

It was so weird how I could sense if he was alright or not or if he was going through things. I started imagining how he could look like and I knew that just a glimpse of him would have been enough to make my day, my fantasies and my dreams complete.

When we finally met in person, I was feeling so anxious that day since I did not know what to expect he would be like in person. Finally we met; and magical sparks filled the room. He was everything I ever dreamed of. While we were walking, all I  did was stare at him and all I thought of was how perfect he was. My heart was beating fast and I just couldn’t believe that I’m with my soul mate finally. I knew then with all my heart that he was my soul mate. He didn’t talk much in the car; but he occasionally stared at me and smiled.

Since then, our conversations became much more intimate than what they used to be. He just had and still has his own wonderful way of making me smile. He never failed to make me smile; it is something that he’s really good at.

The way he treated me since then was the most special way anyone had ever treated me. He makes me feel safe and complete. He makes me feel special and I am just glad to find that special bond I have with him.

He had always been there for me even in the simplest ways. I could always feel how much he really cares about me. There’s never a dull moment when we’re together. We laugh at each others’ jokes and talk about everything and anything.

The moments that we share is conditional upon the geographical distance separating us. A part of me bleeds at the thought of him being so far away from me. I sometimes don’t want to go about my day like nothing is wrong because something is wrong when him and I are not together in the same place.

I continue to go about my days and he continues to go about his but still I can’t help missing him and there are so many things that remind me that we are far away from each other wherever I go.

I know that a person can get used to anything if they set their minds to it and if given enough time…but I don’t want to get used to the distance because I love it when we are no longer apart. As of now we have to live apart waiting for the day when we no longer have to be apart. The one thing that I can’t help though is reminiscing about our times together and for now these sweet memories as well as talking on the phone and messaging each other every day are all I have to keep me looking forward for future memories like these.

Important rule in business when it involves personal relationships

Published by under DreamSharer Journal,Media Shrine on February 22, 2013

All my friends who worked with me in the past would know that my professionalism dictates that I don’t know you when I am working with you. If we have a job together and when we are on the job I don’t know you other than you and I are working and nothing else in between. When I am a teacher, let’s say the principal was a friend and she and I had a fight over a personal matter, does it make any sense if I left my students without a lesson or a teacher and just went home because of my personal matter with my friend principal? See not a lot of people get that concept which is why it is so hard to work with people because they can’t separate personal from business and that is just so wrong!

See my ex and I had a terrible break up but unlike many privileged women who can cut their ex’s off I could not do that because I was his manager and he was a music star. We were in the middle of getting contracts and meetings with record companies. I spent nights with tears in my eyes preparing powerpoint presentations about him and his work and saw all the pictures that people who had just broken up should not see. But I did because that is what professional means. I did all of that for months which elongated my healing process and I knew it made things worse but again I needed to be professional. 2 months later I traveled to do meetings with companies and he was there coming with me to every meeting. Him the guy I just broke up with. Still again work and personal should be separate. I went there and did all the meetings and when my job was over I gave him a one month notice that I can’t work with him anymore and I told him I will find him someone to take my place. I spent the next month gathering all his work in a special folder and making interviews with candidates to take my place. And finally after I secured another manager for him, I cut all ties with him.

See I only told this story to show that when you make a commitment to work with family or friends or husbands/ wives or lovers you take on the risk to run into personal problems but you also take on the risk of having those personal issues mix up with business and then you won’t be at your optimum performance. While you fight and take days and months off work because you are not talking to each other, other businesses emerge and do better than you and you risk your professionalism. If you want to work with a partner you value in your personal life then you must be strong to say ok I will not talk to you personally until I cool off but we will only be talking about our business and working on our business till then. That way your business won’t be affected and it is the smart thing to do.

If you can’t do that then the first thing you need to work on before anything else is your professionalism. It is one of my pet peeves because my mind thinks if I could step on my heart and push myself to be professional and yell at my friends when directing my movies and if I could step on my broken heart and work with my ex and make him look perfect to the companies we were meeting during our break up even though he was the worst person in my eyes back then, then I know that everyone else can be strong enough to make the right choice of being at their professional best. Everyone can do it, make the right choice for you but just be professional no matter what decision you make. This is coming from someone who had to be the director of movies her friends acted in and had to bust them and push them and yell at them to get their best performances.

Do you think that was easy for someone who is very nice to everyone and can’t even say the word NO to anyone in real life because she does not want to hurt anyone’s feelings? Of course not! This was the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But I did it! No one can say I am not a good firm and disciplined director. And not even my ex can ever say that I was not professional in his business till the last moment we ever spoke to each other. This is what professionalism is! A dedication! Friend or not, if I need to stop working with him or her, I will send a resignation letter and a one or two months notice. Friend or not, if I need to take time off then I will send a documented request. I don’t take advantage of friendships and slack off and do things unofficially just because we are friends. The only thing this friendship serves in business is the trust we have in each other and how we know each other as business partners. That’s it! Nothing else should happen just because you are friends. They should not cut you some slack because you are friends and it is not their jobs to do that. But you see people don’t like that. Automatically when they work with friends they think oh nothing should be official and that is a totally wrong thinking. I used to send a weekly report to my ex out of my own will about how things are coming along and the status of everything that is being negotiated. Also I had a business contract which I prepared myself with my ex as his manager. We were in a relationship but when it came to business I made sure we worked as pros because that’s what I wanted to be and that is what any business-minded person should strive to be.

I know how hard it is to draw the line but I also know that it can be done!

The Journey Begins…

Published by under DreamSharer Journal,Media Shrine on November 22, 2012

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DreamSharer Boulevard

Published by under Candle in the Dark,Media Shrine on November 21, 2012

Welcome to dreamsharerblvd.com!

Dear Bullies

Published by under DreamSharer Journal on November 7, 2012

To my dear bullies,

At certain points you made my life a living hell. You think you have the right to speak down on me and hurt my feelings and I want you to know that I don’t care why, or what were your lame excuses for how you treated me. It doesn’t matter because what matters is that you did it, you so wrongly did it. I would like to say that you, and the way you treated me, were part of the reason why I tried to kill myself 4 months ago.

Your words have a HUGE effect on people especially the people you mock, and call names or label them.

You hurt me so much in many ways you can’t even imagine, especially because I put my trust in you and then you treated me like I was a complete messed up person.

You made me feel useless, and ugly, worthless and unlikable, like there was no way anyone would ever want to be friends with me.

You were so unfair for doing that to me. I never treated you with anything but love and in turn you treated me with aggression and disrespect. I hope you are happy with yourself because if I were you, I would not be able to stand myself for doing this to anyone, let alone someone who was the only one to be there for you when you were in desperate need.

You made me cry, humiliated me, and I wanted to just be invisible so I would never run into you. You always made me the funny and comedic subject in your conversations with people. I would love to be able to tell you that people adore you but I can’t because you are nothing. You are a bully who preys on other people for humor. You curse, you give attitude, leave people of authority when they are talking to you, use the information you have on people as an advantage against people, disrespect authority figures in school and a lot more. Why would you ever think you are better than everyone else?

You mostly target me because I do not want to hurt you and even though you think of me as pushover, I indeed put on my brave face and fight back. But on the inside, I am breaking to very little pieces. The reason why you would not just leave me alone is because I am a good person while you are not.

In so many ways, you’ve put me down and belittled me. You have succeeded in making me hate myself, my body, my talents, my intelligence, my independent and strong personality. You`ve done all those bad things to me in order to make yourself feel better about your own life. You filled me with rage and anger. You taught me not to trust people at all, and that I was not good enough for people to care about, befriend, or love me. You took advantage of a smart, funny, and kind big-hearted woman and you crushed her spirit and made her so deeply afraid of people. You manipulated me, made me feel guilty, and intimidated me. You made me cry wholeheartedly and you got a kick out of it and made you laugh, but it made me a stronger person.

I will never forget how you walked the halls in a manner as if you owned the whole dorms or school. You tried to make me believe that my place was way below you. You bullied me for no reason at all other than you just didn’t like me or you wanted me to do something for you and I said “NO”.

I had to avoid you no matter what and I still remember how you watched me, looked at me from head to toe, whispered to others and laughed at me.

Putting up with you made me a stronger person, made me a kinder woman, made me who I am today. I am who I am today not because of you but in spite of all of you bullies.

I will never treat you like you treated me because I am not you. I have to learn self-worth and boundaries but that never gave you the right to constantly attack me with your ignorant and hurtful words. Till this day I am working on forgiving you because even when I am in denial and when I don’t believe it, I deserve better. I deserve better friends and people in my life than ones who don’t respect me. I deserve a life where I’m not strapped down underneath the weight of the guilt you filled me up with. I deserve to go to class and not have to constantly doubt myself or whether or not I’m good enough, pretty enough, smart enough to be there.

Don’t give me all that bull shit about you telling me the truth and me not being able to take criticism. Putting someone’s spirits down and killing them is never constructive criticism and let me tell you that if you really thought you were only telling me the truth about me then your truth is shady and very messed up. Your behavior is your choice and that is why I hold you responsible for the aggression you had towards me. Your choices led to drastic sad results. I don’t think you’ll ever know just how badly you affected me. I want you to know that while you did your worst to me, I decided that I will never let you win. I will find a way to overcome what you did to me, because my good and big heart is better and bigger than your aggression and evil actions, and what I know about life is that light consumes darkness just as a candle lights the dark.

 

What you need to know about “LOVE”.

Published by under DreamSharer Journal on September 23, 2012

Two tear drops were floating down the river. One teardrop said to the other, “I’m the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him. Who are you?”…”I’m the teardrop of the man who regretted letting a girl go…”

There is this stereotype that women get hurt and feel and are emotional while men are not. The only difference I see between most men and women is that girls are more vocal about their pain and hurt while men keep it to themselves and suffer in silence.

You’ll know that you miss someone very much when every time you think of that person, your heart breaks into pieces and just a quick “Hello” from that person can bring the broken pieces back together. Love is a strange emotion. Very quickly that person becomes the reason for your joy and the reason for your pain and he becomes your whole world!

What I can say about love is that you need to give it unconditionally. Don’t expect love in return, just wait for it and allow it to grow in his heart, if it doesn’t, the just take delight and feel happy that it grew in yours.

Love is a force of nature, we can not command, demand, or make love disappear. Love is bigger than any of us are. You can hope for it and  invite love to your life, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself in your life. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving someone you don’t like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addendums, or codes. Love just radiates independently.

Love is free. It cannot be bought, sold, or traded. You cannot make someone love you, and you also cannot prevent it from happening. Love cannot be imprisoned nor can it be legislated. Love is not a substance, not a commodity, and it is not even a marketable power source. Love has no territories, no borders, no quantifiable mass or energy output.

One can buy many things ranging from loyalty, companionship, attention, to perhaps even compassion, but love itself cannot be bought.  Whether love happens, or not, it does by its own grace, of its own will and in its own timing, it is never subject to our plans.

Love does not threaten to withhold itself if it doesn’t get what it wants. Love does not say, directly or indirectly, “If you are a bad boy, Mommy won’t love you any more.” Love does not say, “Daddy’s little girl doesn’t do that.” Love does not say, “If you want to be loved you must be nice, or do what I want, or never love anyone else, or promise you’ll never leave me.”

Love cares about what happens to you because love knows that we are all connected. Love is compassionate and empathic.  This is the true nature of love and it is worth remembering that love can not be manipulated or restrained. Love actually honors the sovereignty of each soul. Love is its own law.

True Love is Caring.

Ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. However, no matter where you come from or how you define love, all definitions have one common trait: Love is caring.

 

True Love is Attractive.

Attraction and chemistry cause people to have the bond allowing them to mate. Without this romantic desire for one another, a relationship is devoid from love and is nothing but lust or infatuation.

 

True Love is Attached.

I can compare love to the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction between a couple. Attachment is the long term love that occurs anywhere between one to three years into the romantic relationship.  You’ll know you’ve found love when you can honestly say, “I’ve seen the worst and the best my partner can offer, and I still love him/her.”

 

True Love is Committed.

Commitment in love is more than just monogamy. Its the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what happens or  the circumstances. Couples who are strongly committed to one another will, when they are faced with negative information about their partner, see and focus only the positive.

 

True Love is Intimate.

In order to know each other, you need to share parts of yourselves with one another. True love is sharing. This self-revealing behavior, when it is reciprocated, it forms a very strong and emotional bond. Over time, this strong bond strengthens and evolves, so the couple merge closer and closer together becoming stronger than ever before. Intimacy is a great element of a relationship.

Do I really mean anything to anyone?

Published by under DreamSharer Journal,Uncategorized on July 8, 2012

Today, I feel what my real life is. I used to have a life full of people. So many friends, so many loved ones, so many strangers I’d meet and so many acquaintances. I never really ran out of people to talk to. Everywhere I turned there were 100′s of people who loved just waiting to spend time with me. Even in my painful moments, I used to be happy because I would feel the love all around me. All of a sudden all of that got taken away from me. Everyone is so busy and I have to adjust. The stress got more and I had to adjust. I fell in love again and my life centered around him. I gave him such a huge responsibility because subconsciously I made my life revolve around him. The day he is not there, emptiness filled my heart. Life separated me from my friends and loved ones and I learned what it means to be alone. But when he came along, he was my light. I am sorry I gave him that responsibility but he is everything to me.

Every day now, I fight new struggles in my life and every day I am reminded that I fight alone. I don’t feel the presence of friends and loved ones as I used to. I have fierce battles to fight each passing day when all I am trying to do is just relax. What is worse I have to fight alone because no one can help me. But I wanna just give up because I am tired of fighting. I am tired of my battles. I am tired of being alone. I want my life back. I want my friends back. I want the love of my life back.

My heart bleeds. I think I am just waiting helplessly for the end to come. I feel that my soul was sucked out. I feel just so tired and yet so hopeless. I have seen myself give up many times. I have seen that twice last night and once today. I have seen myself drift away. But even then I don’t take actions because I am afraid of dying alone. I feel alone…so alone. Who will ever feel my absence when they live days and weeks without me. How will my absence even affect them when they can go on for so many days and weeks without even once replying to me. Do I really mean anything to anyone because I know I don’t mean anything to myself. The only thing that kept me fighting is not hurting them but now I feel that they either won’t get hurt that much or that they will just get over it as soon as it happens.

I am so weak right now. I can’t find my strength or smile anywhere. I just wanna retire and end the pain.

Goodbye my role model…Goodbye my father…Goodbye my mentor!

Published by under Candle in the Dark,DreamSharer Journal on July 3, 2012

He is the icon and symbol of the meaning of work and dedication while helping and serving others.  He Spent his life serving the University, students and teachers, each and every student and teacher at the university have been helped by him. Then .. Suddenly he just disappeared. Without any warning, without any sign, he was just gone.

The impact of the news of his death is still a source of pain for most. The whole campus, the university as a whole, with all the students and teachers in it, have all entered a state of severe trauma of complete unawareness and unconsciousness as they tried to grasp the news.

He was a popular name amongst all the students to solve registration problems and get his advice on courses. His door was always open to all students. The number of students coming from all colleges waiting outside his office was an enormous number. And yet he did not leave his office until the last one of those students got his help and until the Student Affairs were resolved. Any time you needed to seek his help, he was always welcoming you with a big smile ear to ear and you would leave his office with your problems solved.

He gave all his time and efforts on a golden plate to the University and to his students. He studied his students, catered to them, made them feel important, solved their problems, helped other teachers, and he served the university with excellence. He is gone now and all that is left of him, is his reputation and his wonderful spirit that lives inside every one of his students. His reputation and spirit is a fire in the hearts of every one in that university.

I feel that the world did not lose one of its gems today but actually gained many more. He was a gem of a human being and I agree that his loss is unbearable but he lives inside each and every one of us (his children) and it is up to us to continue his legacy. He is not dead if we keep him alive through our actions and what he taught us. He is alive inside all of us for all the lessons he taught us and how we should all “PAY IT FORWARD.” You love his smile? Then never stop smiling. You love how he remembered each of our names? Then never forget the names of the people around you. You love how he helped every one of us? Then don’t stop helping people and carry on his legacy. Teach your children and your friends what he taught you. Keep him alive through remembering him and praying for him.

The world needs more people like him and it is up to you to make him your role model and keep his memory alive. You see we forgot that he is human too and he has time. We took his presence for granted thinking he will outgrow all of us. But he is a great educator and a great teacher knows his students well so he knows how we all feel about him. Just keep that in mind.

He was always approachable so be like him always approachable. Let his life mean something when the difference he made in the world of education lives on even after he passed away. Continue his legacy and continue to make a difference in the world.

Dr.Sadek’s unorthodox teaching methods taught a lot more than any teachers out there. He used to make his routine math classes fun with his jokes and his songs. Every time there was a tough equation to work with, he would sing a song about it. Who does that? What other teacher uses such methods? Well he did because he spent a lot of time teaching himself about his students and developing teaching strategies to suit each and every unique student. You see all other teachers just treat all students as if they were all the same. But then again, we are talking about Dr. Ibrahim Sadek aren’t we?  He would address each student by his name and he would try to speak in their native language.

Dr. Ibrahim Sadek was indeed a kind and great father to all of us. He was a professor, and an adviser, a friend and a brother and a parent to all of us. He was a very helpful person to everyone and even if he could not help, he used to still try to make students’ life easier, and he would spend hours at his office without taking any break just to solve all of his students’ issues. A Great person with a pure soul like him will never be forgotten. He is living inside our hearts and he will live in many memories for decades to come. His life held meaning because he made a true difference in this world. He continues to do so even after he passed away because his lessons will live on inside us and we will continue what he started. May his soul rest in peace.

Come back …Please, Come back

Published by under Story Time on May 27, 2012

I finally went back to see you
You were better than I expected
Sheltered and preserved,
Like an ancient landmark,
preserved forever in a snow globe till I came to see you,
reminding me of our memories sealed in a timeless bubble

Last time, I walked through these streets
It was 9 years ago
I walked through while watching the blue sky
At night, looking at the silver stars
And now I am finally walking in my city
Reminiscing about too many memories
That I could never forget

Walking along the beautiful trails at the canal
I am remembering how beautiful my life was here
I’m so immersed in my thoughts and I am not ready to go back yet
I finally came back home, can’t I just stay?
Leaving home was the hardest choice I ever had to make
But it doesn’t matter because even for a day, now I am home

Ottawa is where I left my heart so long ago
I left it on the high Chapel hill in Orleans
But I still remember the morning dew
And the fog that chills the air
I walk now under the blue and windy sky
Feeling the warmth of the golden sun shining upon my skin

As I walk through every old familiar corner
A feeling of tranquility resides inside me
And I hear the voice of my city ”
Saying to me, “Please, Come back
Come back to the longing tulips
To the yearning roads

Come back to the green Parliament building
To the beautiful Rideau river”
I hear the voice of my city weeping
As it begs of me to come back
Saying to me, “Please, Come back
To where the bright golden sun is glowing
And where our memories are waiting
Come back to where your freedom is, just come back!”

2012 Peace of Minds Walk for Schizophrenia

Published by under Candle in the Dark,DreamSharer Journal on May 27, 2012

Today was a reminder to me that no reward is greater than the satisfying feeling you get when you give your best unselfishly for others, especially for children and individuals suffering a psychiatric disorder like Schizophrenia. To do something so simple but great at the same time to support those who need you; how amazing is it to work for a cause when you know you are needed and when you know you are appreciated?

Fundraising events and other humanitarian volunteering opportunities apply that special touch, that extra smile and willing pair of hands to help make the difference needed in your community and every community.

Today I was able to give the greatest gift of all, my help by doing a walk for hope. All I had to do was spare a little time on a Sunday morning and share a little of myself with the world.

It’s a great feeling to know that your contribution is helping so many people. I enjoyed today’s event although it was a big challenge for me to raise any money but I know with all my heart that even that $20 I raised will do something to help those people who needed my help. Fundraising events always present you with a good team spirit and lots of fun too. I feel very privileged to have attended today’s SSO Peace of Mind’s walk for Schizophrenia which will benefit the people who are in so much need.

I am passionate about why we need to fund-raise and volunteer in our society, ultimately it is to help save lives.

Programs like the Peace of Minds Walk depend on volunteers like us whose help is essential to the cause they are fighting for. Volunteers help the SSO raise thousands of dollars each year and help in many different ways, from giving talks to running merchandise stalls at various events. I hope I will be able to participate again at the Peace of Minds walk and hopefully to be able to help ensure raising the necessary funds, reaching my fundraising goal next time and provide the support that the SSO needs to continue providing such vitally important and life saving services.

I have always had a passion for helping people and doing something like today’s fundraising event is just so fascinating. I truly found the walk I did this morning very refreshing and more fulfilling than anything else and I felt that I was truly making a difference even by doing something small like that. All day today, I kept hoping to be able to inspire as many people as I can through my walk to support the SSO to continue their counseling and community programs and their research, etc. for those suffering a lifetime of schizophrenia!

I kept in my mind all day that, charities rely on the goodwill and generosity of the public to keep running and that is what kept me going through the day despite the challenge of my team not being able to raise much funds but I realized that the Peace of Minds’ walk is fortunate that so many people support it in many ways especially to be there on location on a Sunday morning with their children to walk and raise money for those in need. The park we walked through was packed with couples, people, children and whole families who joined to walk together hand in hand to help support those suffering with schizophrenia.

Having the opportunity to feel that you are part of something rewarding and charity-related that really does make a difference to society and to people’s lives is truly something very special and worth committing to.