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Dear Bullies

Posted by DreamSharer on November 7, 2012

To my dear bullies,

At certain points you made my life a living hell. You think you have the right to speak down on me and hurt my feelings and I want you to know that I don’t care why, or what were your lame excuses for how you treated me. It doesn’t matter because what matters is that you did it, you so wrongly did it. I would like to say that you, and the way you treated me, were part of the reason why I tried to kill myself 4 months ago.

Your words have a HUGE effect on people especially the people you mock, and call names or label them.

You hurt me so much in many ways you can’t even imagine, especially because I put my trust in you and then you treated me like I was a complete messed up person.

You made me feel useless, and ugly, worthless and unlikable, like there was no way anyone would ever want to be friends with me.

You were so unfair for doing that to me. I never treated you with anything but love and in turn you treated me with aggression and disrespect. I hope you are happy with yourself because if I were you, I would not be able to stand myself for doing this to anyone, let alone someone who was the only one to be there for you when you were in desperate need.

You made me cry, humiliated me, and I wanted to just be invisible so I would never run into you. You always made me the funny and comedic subject in your conversations with people. I would love to be able to tell you that people adore you but I can’t because you are nothing. You are a bully who preys on other people for humor. You curse, you give attitude, leave people of authority when they are talking to you, use the information you have on people as an advantage against people, disrespect authority figures in school and a lot more. Why would you ever think you are better than everyone else?

You mostly target me because I do not want to hurt you and even though you think of me as pushover, I indeed put on my brave face and fight back. But on the inside, I am breaking to very little pieces. The reason why you would not just leave me alone is because I am a good person while you are not.

In so many ways, you’ve put me down and belittled me. You have succeeded in making me hate myself, my body, my talents, my intelligence, my independent and strong personality. You`ve done all those bad things to me in order to make yourself feel better about your own life. You filled me with rage and anger. You taught me not to trust people at all, and that I was not good enough for people to care about, befriend, or love me. You took advantage of a smart, funny, and kind big-hearted woman and you crushed her spirit and made her so deeply afraid of people. You manipulated me, made me feel guilty, and intimidated me. You made me cry wholeheartedly and you got a kick out of it and made you laugh, but it made me a stronger person.

I will never forget how you walked the halls in a manner as if you owned the whole dorms or school. You tried to make me believe that my place was way below you. You bullied me for no reason at all other than you just didn’t like me or you wanted me to do something for you and I said “NO”.

I had to avoid you no matter what and I still remember how you watched me, looked at me from head to toe, whispered to others and laughed at me.

Putting up with you made me a stronger person, made me a kinder woman, made me who I am today. I am who I am today not because of you but in spite of all of you bullies.

I will never treat you like you treated me because I am not you. I have to learn self-worth and boundaries but that never gave you the right to constantly attack me with your ignorant and hurtful words. Till this day I am working on forgiving you because even when I am in denial and when I don’t believe it, I deserve better. I deserve better friends and people in my life than ones who don’t respect me. I deserve a life where I’m not strapped down underneath the weight of the guilt you filled me up with. I deserve to go to class and not have to constantly doubt myself or whether or not I’m good enough, pretty enough, smart enough to be there.

Don’t give me all that bull shit about you telling me the truth and me not being able to take criticism. Putting someone’s spirits down and killing them is never constructive criticism and let me tell you that if you really thought you were only telling me the truth about me then your truth is shady and very messed up. Your behavior is your choice and that is why I hold you responsible for the aggression you had towards me. Your choices led to drastic sad results. I don’t think you’ll ever know just how badly you affected me. I want you to know that while you did your worst to me, I decided that I will never let you win. I will find a way to overcome what you did to me, because my good and big heart is better and bigger than your aggression and evil actions, and what I know about life is that light consumes darkness just as a candle lights the dark.

 

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