DreamSharer Boulevard

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of Art, Creativity & Inspiration.

Archive for the ‘Story Time’ Category

Realizations

Posted by DreamSharer on February 2, 2014

kids

I guess we all go on a path of self discovery. Luckily for some of us, they attain self discovery early on in life. Some of us keep searching for a very long time and finally discover themselves at some stage in their lives. Then there is some that live their whole lives and pass on without ever attaining self discovery. This means that even those that finally realized things about themselves and their purpose in life at a later stage in life, they should consider themselves lucky too because at least they finally reached self discovery.

See I am writing this because the last 2 years of my life have been the best years I have ever lived. I lived my whole life searching for who I really am and wondering what I was supposed to do with all these gifts and talents that God gave me. My life, my gifts and talents were so confusing to me. I had so many talents in so many areas that were not even connected with each other. I had journalistic talents, I was a born-writer, I had editing and video making talents, I was born creative, I had film-making talents, and I have a natural gift and ability with kids. No matter how difficult the child is, leave me with him/ her and that child will change to the better. I love children to death and I never knew how that could fit with anything else I am talented in. I did not know until a moment of realization 2 years ago. After all my search, doing my bachelor’s degree in Journalism and media and finding out that despite the fact that I am talented in that field I can’t stand to work in it. Then got my post-graduate diploma in Documentary production and screen-writing and realized then that my love for film-making is like something I would like to do on the side but is not actually what I am meant to be. Finally, two years ago, I decided to tutor on the sideline in my free time. One of my students was a 7 years-old little girl. God bless her for showing me the way. She did not do anything but being herself. Being herself, she taught me that the only medium where I don’t feel like I have to drag myself out of bed to work every single day and hate my life for not having any real purpose to it, is teaching. I was finally excited about my day every single day. I could not wait for my lessons with her. Sometimes her mom would be with her friends and would not pick her up until 4 hours later. That was still so wonderful to me. I know I taught her a lot in our lessons but she taught me so much too. It was then that I realized that my purpose is to be a good teacher to make a good and much-needed change in this world. I realized then that God had bigger plans for me than making movies or publishing books or becoming a journalist. Of course I still do those wonderful things but teaching is a very noble vocation and I was meant to pursue my life in that path.

Two years later, after going back to school and getting my master’s degree in teaching, now I am so grateful every single day of my life that I finally found my calling! I taught children of different ages and different backgrounds and geographical locations for the past 2 years and I have always, every single day, felt like I was finally in the right place! I made many differences in the lives of children and they have all made many differences in mine. They have been my mentors too and I love all my kids to bits! I was waking up every single day looking so forward to going to school and being with the kids. Waking up at 6 in the morning was finally exciting. Being a night owl all my life, having to become an early bird and sleeping early to wake up early, finally felt Great! Every single thing in my life changed for the better and became happier! Every day in the classroom was different than the day before and I finally felt the rewards of doing something you are so passionate about.

Now, one of my students whom I taught during my student teaching semester, writes letters to me. I tell all of you that nothing exceeds the anticipation I have to read her letters. Every time I get her letter, I become like a little girl who just got her Christmas present. If all of that does not mean that I was meant to be a teacher then I don’t know what does.

I am so thankful to all my students for being in my life. I am so thankful to all my students who called me “Miss Princess” in the summer camp last July. The truth is I am not the princess, they are my princes and princesses! They are all my children and always will be forever! I feel so much gratitude that I finally found my way. I feel so much gratitude for being given this gift. I am now the happiest I can ever be knowing I am fulfilling my purpose in life and living every single day to its fullest as a full-fledged teacher!

Last but not least, to my student who writes me her beautiful and wonderful letters out there, I love you so much and I want you to know that you are the most special and precious girl in the world and in my life! I feel so lucky and blessed to have you in my life!

Come back …Please, Come back

Posted by DreamSharer on May 27, 2012

I finally went back to see you
You were better than I expected
Sheltered and preserved,
Like an ancient landmark,
preserved forever in a snow globe till I came to see you,
reminding me of our memories sealed in a timeless bubble

Last time, I walked through these streets
It was 9 years ago
I walked through while watching the blue sky
At night, looking at the silver stars
And now I am finally walking in my city
Reminiscing about too many memories
That I could never forget

Walking along the beautiful trails at the canal
I am remembering how beautiful my life was here
I’m so immersed in my thoughts and I am not ready to go back yet
I finally came back home, can’t I just stay?
Leaving home was the hardest choice I ever had to make
But it doesn’t matter because even for a day, now I am home

Ottawa is where I left my heart so long ago
I left it on the high Chapel hill in Orleans
But I still remember the morning dew
And the fog that chills the air
I walk now under the blue and windy sky
Feeling the warmth of the golden sun shining upon my skin

As I walk through every old familiar corner
A feeling of tranquility resides inside me
And I hear the voice of my city ”
Saying to me, “Please, Come back
Come back to the longing tulips
To the yearning roads

Come back to the green Parliament building
To the beautiful Rideau river”
I hear the voice of my city weeping
As it begs of me to come back
Saying to me, “Please, Come back
To where the bright golden sun is glowing
And where our memories are waiting
Come back to where your freedom is, just come back!”

I Miss my Mother

Posted by DreamSharer on February 27, 2012

I miss my mother
I long for her
Her thyme and cheese braided bread
My mother’s desserts
Her coffee
Her touch
Her lap while she is touching my hair

Everyday
My childhood memories with my mother
Replay inside me as I was growing up
Mother, I think of you at dusk
I think of how I am going to reward you with love
I think of how I have hurt you in the past
And how you still love me endlessly
How can I ever make it up to you…
For the tears you shed because of me?

Mother, when I come back home
use me as a comb for your soft hair
Use me as a fire to keep you warm
Who am I without you?
I am connected to you by spirit
Without your love
I am not that strong
Without you I am too frail to walk
Too weak to stand

Will my path ever bring me back?
Will it ever take me to your waiting lap?
Or to your longing arms?

Your Ghost says goodbye

Posted by DreamSharer on February 8, 2012

I open my eyes on his gentle hand touching me
Touching my face with his soft finger`s husk
He takes my hand and leads me out of bed gently
He takes me outside to watch the dusk
He sits next to me and wraps me with his arms
To keep me warm from the morning cold breeze
The sky forms a painting so beautiful, so warm
Right there, I wanted to spend with him eternity

The Moon Shys away
The sun dances between the clouds
It smiles to me while it makes its way
The birds sit next to me singing aloud
I take it all in with him caressing my face
My head on his chest
My arms around his neck in a sweet embrace
His hands keep me safe while my head just rests

How could I ever forget?
A moment created in heaven
We couldn’t have ever been mislead
I thought my presence in his life was going to leaven
Could it just have been my Imagination?
Could it have been my Fantasy?
An image of us living in utter happiness, love and devotion
No more hurt, no pain to kill our souls, just our love to set us free
Or sorrow to torture our soul
I thought our time has finally come
To be forever happy, to finally feel whole

I should have never believed in love
For love is pain, and love is hurtful
I wish I can send him my love with a dove
“You have to go on” he Whispered so tearful
While the birds flew away
He said “I have to go, I can’t stay”
He kissed me goodbye
Those feelings I can’t hide
“I don’t understand“ I did say
I whispered, “You are here with me now, why can’t you stay?“

Lies, dreams and illusions I prayed
To protect me from all the sadness and the cries
That his answer will cause, please my heart is frayed
“I am not really here, I just came to say goodbye“
No, no, it can’t be true
Please lie to me, tell me this isn’t real
You couldn’t have left me, this can’t be you
You couldn’t have chosen to be gone
If you love me, please tell me this can be undone
Who will ever wipe my tears
Or shed away my fears

“You can’t leave me baby, You can’t break my heart“
“It has already been done, you need to be strong now that we’re apart“
Your ghost disappeared away
It left me all alone today
I walked back home in tears
My heart broken to pieces, wishing you were near
It is too much to bear, to painful to feel
Why would you do this to me?
What have I ever done to you?
I wish I can hide away from the truth,
From You and from me too

My Heart Aches Like It Never ached Before
I can feel it beating fast,
Hard against my diaphragm, I’m so aghast
I Wish It would just Beat No More
He caused me pain
He killed my soul

I walked in the dark, the stars have disappeared
I fought my way all alone, my heart never stopped bleeding
He doesn’t know what I am going through, how my life has veered
It is not that simple you see, now I am breaking
it is so hurtful to me
He broke my heart, he killed my soul
I am falling to pieces now, can you see?
All the way from heaven, could you see all these holes?
Do you feel good for how you killed me?
I knew my happy ending was too good to be true
It was easy for you to say I should go on, well now I’m blue
Do you know I am fighting hard to survive? Do you feel me through?

My Tears stream down burning my cheeks
Diamonds fall down my eyes breaking as they reach the ground
You might be in heaven now smiling as I speak
Hopefully you’re living in harmony, with a halo of light you’re crowned
But I am still here lonely, suffering enormous pain
And no one is here to ease
The pain when you decided to go, you left me in the rain
Now you can live in alchemy
But I will never find love or peace ever again

My sorrowful heart

Posted by DreamSharer on February 8, 2012

I have been hiding in my own shell of solitude and silence for all these past years. I have only felt safe while slipping away into the secluded oblivion within me. For despite all the love I have for words, they too often failed to express the raging and racing feeling in my heart…

In my mind, I can hear music playing in sorrow tunes in the background. Still, this silence drowns my soul as if the last wave of the turning tide reaching for and yearning for the beach on dry land. The silence roaring through these hollow caves inside me soothes me yet leaves me tortured. At the end of the day, I ask myself, what is the use of this silence? What is the use in keeping things to myself. I wish now to be able to find the right literary phrases to illuminate the dark spaces within me. Only, there is nothing inside me. There is only silence, sorrow and a total absence of the light that guides me.

I have made my own decisions in the past. I made it with a clear head but mostly with a full heart. I have no regrets; I just have this indescribable sadness lurking throughout the hollow rooms of memory inside me. The same thing happens with my memories with you. To turn back time and savor these moments again with you more deeply, is wishing for the impossible. Memory is a blessing I am happy to bear but also one that I often curse because it reminds me too clearly of all that I had and lost. With ease, I can walk the corridors of my past with you. Each second with you feels still fresh and vivid; alive with sight, sound and scent. It is physically, emotionally and mentally beyond me to cherish those moments any more than I did at the time of their creation. It hurts more than I can describe that I can’t feel those moments anymore. They were experienced with more intensity than what my frail heart and body imagined or experienced.

The pain lies now in not being able to sense those moments physically with you. The pain is the total numbness of my hands and mouth and body when I recall out time together. I can’t feel that. Without your presence these memories are just home videos thrown up on the fragile, aged and cracked wall of my mind. I truly believe that I could sculpt your entire form out of clay; every contour of muscle, I can sculpt it to perfection. My mind can see you clearly with an etched brilliance. Every night my mind runs over those memories; remembering, reminiscing, yet aching with emptiness because it is only a memory.

My thoughts are empty now sweetheart.

I can see you in my mind reading my words and it makes me smile but in a sad way. You will be sitting there reading these sentences and feeling a little fear that I may be exaggerating or that I don’t know what I am talking about.
Now again my words fail. My silence at this time and the necessity of silence was the only expression of emotion that is left inside me.

These are all that are left to me. Again. As usual I am only thinking of you. If you were only here now… I no longer know what we would do. My head is no longer clear and my heart has overflowed. It is dripping flames of agony, love, passion and longing throughout and all over me. Oh but wait…You are not with me now…
I am hurting…

What more can I say?

Silence and sorrow is all I feel now.
If you were only here now…I’m not sure what will happen. Will we light the candles? Will we stay in darkness so we won’t see the temptations? Which would be better? Should I hide and remain still in this silent solitude of mine? Should I keep myself from reaching beyond my soul’s confines to touch yours? Should I be ashamed of these feelings I have for you?

Maybe I have no shame left. Not after those memories with you. Why should I feel shame for loving someone the way I love you? My life, the way I lived it, would have had me love you more with each passing day. Is that even an option?

It is not.

Despite all that lack of light I can still see you clearly. Can you see my face now? I hope not because I am smiling and laughing softly to myself while thinking of what you would see in my eyes without even uttering a word.

I miss you. I long for you. I am hungry for more memories with you.

At times, reality is a harsh and a cold place to live. I guess now is one of those times. Why can’t I make myself believe that you are here with me now? Was it fair of God to deny us the experience of utter love by making our proximity closer or our time together longer? Maybe it is a blessing that I do not have that to mourn over as well; to highlight even more forcibly what I no longer have. I don’t know. All I know is that I miss having you here to light up this darkness I see every day, and to roar through this silence and bring joy into this solitude I am going through.

Let me tell you what I know. I know that I love holding you, being with you, looking into your eyes knowing and hoping that you feel the same way about me. I love you so much that I breathe your scent, words sometimes cannot express it. Every moment I spent with you is a moment I cherish and remember with all my being. You are my star in the night sky. I look up to you for everything.

Love and friendship is what I feel with you, it is not just that we are lovers, we are also best friends, and that is what makes our relationship more special than anyone else’s. I grow to love you more and more every day, and I do not know right now what I would do without you. Sometimes I would like to think my love for you is like a great dream, I don’t want to wake up because I don’t want to lose that love.

So why is there space between us? Sometimes I just want to give up on trying to open myself up because all it does is just hurt me much more. I feel I want to go back to my shell and shrivel up because it won’t hurt me as much. But how can I do this? How can I not be open anymore when I find myself opening up to you naturally, showing you the most vulnerable parts inside me?

You still have my heart in the middle of your chains of veins. It is my heart, but your arteries and veins feed it and connect to it. When you have your arms around me I feel you have it around my soul. I know I will always love you and that makes me cry because I get hurt when you are not here.

The love inside me is burning for you.

And So The Moment Ended…

Posted by DreamSharer on February 6, 2012

Time deceived me

It flew by like a week, an hour, a day

It flew away quicker than it ever passed
I tried yet I failed to pause time,

Or make our precious moments last a long while
Our days just slipped away,

It sifted through the cracks of time,
Hour by hour, moment by moment, day by day

As every moment passed
The clock ticked warning of the feared moment

Our time together was almost ending
With each tick of the clock
The day comes closer,
The moment I have feared
For weeks, for days, for hours
is drawing closer
Soon I will say
Good-bye to you my love

I will hurt with every cell

Every part of my soul
As you watch me leave
I sit and I cry
As the time comes

There is nothing more to do
There is no more time to savor
No more hugs

No more kisses
There is nothing left
There is only time left
time and distance

The long lonely stretch of the highway
Is what is left

The highway that stands between our love
Now all I can do is just wait
Replay the scene by counting each day
until the next meeting moment comes.
The last thing I saw was your face,

your fading smile
The last thing I felt were your arms

Wrapped around me

like you were never letting me go

Now you will just remember me

When I am gone

When my bus has driven away,
Driven far away on the lonely highway

All the way to the silent land;
When we can hold each other no more

Or hold hands,

Just remember my essence, my presence, my annoyances
For now you shall not have me nor see me smile

When I am all the way across the miles

As for me, I remember too

I remember the way you breathe

I remember how your heartbeats made me calm

I remember how when you spoke I felt warm
I remember how you saw right through me
Like a comet of bright light passing through my soul

Making me detoxify with new bright energy filling me

I always wanted to stay in your arms when you held me
I remember your nose
I’ll remember your eyes
I’ll always remember your smell,
Like a scent sent to earth from Heaven,

I’ll remember the way we kiss
Our moments together will forever be missed
I will miss the way you drive

I’ll miss your smile

I’ll miss the way I am when I am with you,
I remember the way we belong to each other,
I miss the way you hold me tight
I will miss you until we meet again

I will miss everything except our ‘goodbyes’

I feel I could die
Without you here with me

The moment ended, the day came,

When across the miles I lie dreaming of you…again

 

© 2012