A pledge to myself and the universe

Posted by DreamSharer on April 21, 2012

I realized something last night…I realized how I have been in so much pain that I ended up giving up a lot of who I am. I realized that I have to remind myself of who I am and what I stand for every once in a while. I know I am not perfect and I know that I have some disabilities but I can never overcome that when I am not doing anything about it. So as hard as it is for me I sat down and thought of what I want to pledge to myself to get better and be a better person. Here’s my pledge which I will keep reminding myself of every time my hopes and spirits are down.

 

I pledge to give my best effort in all I do to continue to learn and improve. I will not let mistakes or fears of making a mistake stop me. I understand that mistakes are part of life and I can learn from my mistakes so I do not do them again. I will not compare myself to others as that creates jealousy and because I am giving my best and I am just as good as anyone and my skills will improve as I practice more.

I might fall short of my ideals sometimes, but I pledge that I will always try to do better, and I will try to learn from my mistakes.

I pledge to perform at my highest level at all times. I want to succeed in life so I will always keep trying my best.

I pledge to maximize my strengths while overcoming my weaknesses.

I pledge to not wallow in my mistakes — instead, staying positive and learning from them so I can become a better person.

I pledge to remember that success does not always equate to learning, nor does learning always result in success.

I pledge to reward myself whenever I achieve success.

I promise to be thankful for living every day.

I promise to be faithful to myself and others.

I promise to never take life for-granted and be thankful for all that I have.

I promise to have compassion.

I promise to never fear my emotions, love, hate, sadness, happiness, but learn to deal with them.

I promise that I’ll try to understand others and live with what life has given me.

I pledge to live my life to the fullest.

I pledge to be responsible for myself and compassionate towards others.

I pledge to love and respect myself and my friends and loved ones.

I pledge to “show up” in my life as myself, not as an imitation of anyone else.

I pledge to avoid using the word “just” to describe myself. For example, I won’t say, “I’m just a mother,” “I’m just a student” or “I’m just an ordinary person.”

I pledge to give myself ten minutes of silence and stillness every day to get in touch with my heart and hear my own voice.

I pledge to use my voice to connect my dreams to my actions.

I pledge to use my voice to empower myself and others.

I pledge to serve my community at least once a year in a way that will benefit other people.

I pledge to ask myself, “Who am I? What do I believe in? What am I grateful for? What do I want my life to stand for?”

I pledge to sit down and write my own mission statement.

I pledge to live my own legacy.

And I pledge to pass it on to my children.

I pledge to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and permission to continue learning and growing from my experiences AND my mistakes.

I pledge to honor my friends and family. To be patient, compassionate and non-judgmental.

I pledge to find and appreciate the joy in life. The small things. The outdoors. The fleeting moments.

I pledge to love myself more every day.

I pledge to put myself first and make my own happiness and vitality a top priority.

I pledge to give back to others – to make an impact on people’s lives.

I pledge to live by example. To live with integrity so that my thoughts, speech and action are aligned with my true self.

I pledge to express myself fully by doing what I love.

I pledge to acknowledge that pain and discomfort are necessary for growth and new experiences.

I pledge to see the beauty in all things and all people.

I pledge that I am not my past, nor my future, but my present – make the most of it

I pledge to slow down and be present

I pledge to love and care for myself as much as I love and care for those I hold most dear

I pledge to demonstrate interconnectivity with the universe by caring for, in my own special way, my fellow beings

I pledge to never stop learning, growing and challenging myself – especially when things are comfortable

I pledge to find joy everyday

I pledge to forgive and let go…

I pledge to never stop having fun!

I pledge to never stop believing in hope, goodness and fairy tales

I pledge to always be passionate and to strive for wisdom

Nothing really matters!

Posted by DreamSharer on April 8, 2012

I  feel like shriveling up and disappearing away. I feel like faking my death so I can start a fresh life away from all the pain and hurt I am going through at the moment. It feels like the whole world is on my shoulder and there is no one to help me carry that burden. My best friend, the person who used to show me the light in the dark, he disappeared. He is gone and I miss him so much. I am unable to talk to anyone or even find peace.

I feel so lonesome today. Who will hear my pain or help me through? I feel very misunderstood and overtaken by the world`s agony. Everyone who is troubled finds peace in taking it out on me, but what about me?  I am so emotionally tired and drained! I can`t do it alone. I am very severely hurt. I am not meant to always be judged harshly and for people to be tough with me. I deserve some understanding and some love and some support. Things I rarely feel now.

My disability is that I suck at verbal communication and yet even those who know that well still are not even ready to give that any consideration but want to hold it against me. I do try to explain what I meant to say and they don`t  care about what I mean, they care about what they heard, even knowing I have a problem expressing myself, my opinions and my beliefs. In what law, is this fair? I always provide my tolerance and patience with everyone, yet no one wants to do the same for me. why? what is wrong with me? Why is it impossible for people to make exceptions for me as I do for them?

I am so tired of my life! I struggle to find only one reason everyday to keep me going. For someone who feels every aspect of her life is not successful and that the whole world is against her including the ones she loves the most I struggle to stay on my feet everyday. I keep it all to myself. I am this close to giving up. Nothing in my life is working and nothing in my life is worth fighting for. I feel even that even my relationship is going downhill and everyone is too busy to even notice what I am going through. I have been sleeping almost 22 hours of the 24 hours of the day. I have not been eating and mostly I have been waking up at night choking out of breath. I have nightmares 22 hours of the day while sleeping and I have not been taking my medications. I am going through hell and I feel so unwilling to fight for anything.  I don’t think I can do it anymore. Behind my fake smile that I show to everyone including my own family, there is this hollow sorrow and severe pain that does not stop. I don`t really see any light around me. My friends are gone, and the ones I love the most are not aware of what I am feeling. I am so tired. I am very very tired. My tears won`t stop and all I want is for all this to end. that is the only way my pain will end.

My dream since I was a little fairy talish child is that one day, God will send me a friend, an angel, who will be the only one who understood me and understood my disabilities and embraced them and kept me safe. I guess that will always remain a meaningless dream of a stupid little girl. I hate the world right now. I hate everything and nothing matters to me. I wish with all my heart to just fade away into another realm into an alternate reality away from all this.

Dear Germs

Posted by DreamSharer on April 1, 2012

Dear Germs,

I can feel you invading my body.  This sore throat sure was extremely painful in the past 4 days. This is a really bad time, germs.  You see, I have a very busy life right now and tutoring to attend to.

Do you really want to stop me from helping the child I am tutoring?  I think not.

If you don’t mind, I’ll keep taking my antibiotic which kills my stomach and we’ll part ways as friends.  I’m sure you can understand.  It’s not you, it’s just that we are not meant to be.